It's a marshmallow jello kind of a day!

Now normally when I say marshmallow jello you think of the food. But I'm not talking about the food. I'm talking about the feelings. The marshmallow jello feelings that make your insides turn to goo. The feelings that wash over you and make you limp and weepy. In the past I've stuffed these feelings so far down and denied them so well that I had convinced myself that I was alright. I would wonder why especially around the holidays I would feel a sense of sadness and loss. A sense of emotional instability and an emotonal fatigue that just crippled me. For years I would force myself to put on a smile and just do it. But this year is different. I am letting myself feel the pain of losing family members to death, the loss of family members moving, the realization that family members who judge will never stop, the excrutiating pain of having to relive your childs brain tumor ordeal everytime you go to Childrens Mercy Hospital for an appointment, owning the fact that I have a special needs child, not having your family surround you this holiday season. This year I will let myself feel them. I've given myself permission to just lay here and feel. I don't know what I'll do next but I do know that you have to feel to deal and I've taken the first step.

Mattress Surfing

Today we got bored and decided to take Bradys mattress and ride it down the stairs with a barrier of pillows covering the wall. The kids and even Chance our dog were sliding down feet first, then standing up, then rolling down and then face first! I even slid down once with the kids too. We had so much fun!

Le Fou Frog

Jared and I are celebrating our one year anniversary to Europe. We went to Le Fou Frog, a french bistro down in the River Market. It's a great little restaurant with authentic french food and a very knowledgeable staff. They were so wonderful at explaining the menu items. After studying the menu for awhile we decided to order the roasted pepper and zucchini soup (yummy), the mozzarella, heirloom tomato,basil and olive oil salad (so refreshing). For the main courses we had Chilean sea bass with Parmesan orzo and Duck with a red wine reduction sauce and lemon grass rice.(such great combos of flavors!). And for dessert we had Cream Bru Le with Chocolate Sorbet (so light and fluffy). The meal was fantastic. We talked and talked and talked. The meal was never rushed and it was so relaxing to just sit and enjoy each others company. It was amazing to remember our trip to London and Paris. We had a lovely evening!

Hiking at Maple woods

We like to hike at Maple woods Nature Trail. We have a routine. First we have to look over the bridge and watch the water. Then we have to take pictures of the kids on the bridge, standing, walking and running. Then the kids will decide whether to go the long or short way. The long way lets us look over the highway and see Walmart. The short way lets you cross the bridge where the beavers have built a dam. Then we have designated rest spots and picture taking spots. All in all it only lasts an hour but it's a glorious hour of being with the kids in nature and of having the opportunity to see a lttle bit of Heavenly Fathers beautiful world he has blessed us to live in.

Brady is 5!

Birthdays are a big deal at our house. The cake, the ice cream, blowing out the candles and being sung to is just part of the fun. We start with your favorite breakfast, lunch and dinner and then you pick a couple of fun activities to do with the family. And sometimes we even have little get togethers with friends and family.

His birthday celebration actually started on Friday. I surprised him by taking him to Hyvee and picking up his Thomas The Train cake. He squealed and hugged me and the cake at the same time. Pretty cool! We went home and had ice cream and cake with Eden, Jordan, Ashley, Beth and Emily. He loved blowing out the candles and being sung to by 5 noisy, giggling girlls. Loved it! He opened cards and DVD's from grandparents and friends. Thanks everyone!

Saturday Brady woke up to Happy Birthday songs and kisses. Then he had tons of mini chocolate donuts. He opened his presents and played with them for awhile. He was smiling the whole time. After that we made homemade mac and cheese. One of JC's (Julia Childs) recipes. He helped me make the whole thing and then mixed up confetti cupcakes and helped me put them in the oven. He was so proud to serve his bday lunch. After that he watched his Thomas DVD twice! Then we went to our friends house and ate an impromptu dinner and played with their kids. It was a gorgeous evening and it was fun watching all the kids run around like crazy people.

Brady came up to me after we came home and gave me a big hug, "thanks mom, I had a great birthday"! As you can see both of us had big smiles on our face.

It's been a great 2 days. Watching your kids grow up is amazing! My baby boy is 5! Happy Birthday Brady!

2 more days...

2 more days and Jared goes back on the road...That's 2 more days of waking up with him next to me. 2 more days of having the kids ring the Princess Diana dinner bell to have him come to the table. 2 more days of having him taste my cooking concoctions. 2 more days of watching the back of his head bob up and down while he's playing his PSP. 2 more days of eating cheetos and watching movies in bed with the kids. 2 more days of holding hands and going for walks. 2 more days of playing Rockband in the middle of the day. 2 more days of texting him to see a movie spontaniously. 2 more days of late night taco bell runs. 2 more days of watching him laugh and play with the kids. 2 more days of standing in the middle of the pool hugging while the kids tease us and wait for adult swim to be over. 2 more days of eye rolling over the kids head when they ask again when we are doing such and such activity and we just finished telling them. 2 more days of late night dates with friends. 2 more days of QT runs for coke and dr. pepper. 2 more days of Jared coming to find me so we can snuggle in the kitchen. 2 more days of ask your father he's home. 2 more days of talking of Paris and London. 2 more days of waking up with all the kids and pets sleeping on top of us and rolling over and touching eachothers hand and giving eachother a sleepy smile. 2 more days of him grabbing the kids and telling them he loves them. 2 more days until I have to drive him to the airport and kiss him goodbye!

Pastries and The Farmers Market

I have been reading My Life In France by Julia Child. I'm only half way thru the book and yet the culture and simplicity of her life is seeping into my own. So when I woke up yesterday morning I knew I had to do something to honor that. Brady has noticed that I have been reading lots of books about Paris, France and he asked me if he could visit Paris someday. Then Ashley brought me a picture of her Dad and I kissing beneath the Eiffel Tower with the words "mommy and daddy are in love"printed in her handwriting on the back and asked "can I go to Paris too?" I was so overcome with their earnestness that I immediately decided to take them to my version of France in the Midwest. Pastries at Napoleon Bakery and fruit and vegetable foraging at the Farmers Market.

At the bakery we shared Chocolate Mousse cake (divine chocolate perfection) , Passion Fruit cake (fruity, tart, and a little tingly) a buttery, flaky croissant, a cherry pastry with a rich shell of flaky crust and 2 handpicked chocolates with decadant fillings! We sat outside and talked of birds, buildings and food. It was a gorgeous morning and the clock kept chiming every 15 minutes and the flowers were swaying almost as if dancing.

Next onto the Farmers Market. We grabbed our bags and walked the few blocks to the fruit and vegetable stands. Jared and Ashley and Me and Brady. At first I was teaching the kids how to pick the ripest and freshest fruits and vegetables by letting them lift up the produce and by having them touch, feel, smell and look. They helped pick out grapes, bananas, stawberries, tomatoes, eggplant, potatoes, green onions, green peppers, cucumbers and lettuce. They were so proud of their bounty but then the other dizzying sights called to them. The spice stall was especially intoxicating to Brady. He wanted to smell every one of the spices. He helped me pick out, smoky paprika, thyme, basil and cumin. He was rewarded with a cinnamon stick to suck on for the rest of the journey. Ashley liked the breads. We tasted the most divine breads and Ash and I hung back trying to figure out how we could make that particular bread or cake. It was over all too soon and as we lugged our loot to the car Ashley looked at me and said "Thanks for taking me to Paris!" and ran ahead to Daddy. Brady grabbed my hand and snuggled into my side. "Mommy I sure do love you!" Now that's the stuff life's made of!!